I lingered by your side for much of my younger years not knowing of what treasures were hidden in the aura of your countenance. I came from your body, soul and spirit even bearing your names of none, not even a given name I can call my own. I do not know when we first had a consciousness to be aware of each other, so perhaps my recollection of the following is yet still too vague and contained in a form most could identify with. The recollection that one has been called or chosen by some higher being, one further along in threads of evolution, come to know a feeling that rises nearly to inspiration that this one had stepped back and came for them out a sacrifice and for me even if for only this passing moment you bear this resemblance is enough.
I know a little of what it takes to be of a revolution, the humility it takes to handle life’s affairs with mercy. One can’t just stick the middle fingers up and claim rebelhood but must consciously know who they are and where they are placed in the scheme of cosmic evolution in order to work effectively for world progress. To be able to hold the tongue in repose before offering one’s opinion, to sincerely desire the higher things of life without hurting others, to engender a genuine ability to enjoy others’ success and failures with the same value as if you yourself had experienced it. These traits are what you carry.
You perhaps aren’t aware of that type of strength and wisdom pulsating within. What vibrates within as a purely spiritual core, that of which weaves your character has been passed off to me and is becoming graspable by my cognition and seen as the very foundations of which my inner life of thinking shifts to imagination, its feeling into inspiration and a volition of intuition is now experienced . What I failed to note as essential to reality in its daily phenomena was a spiritual occult side, a reality in which the naive realist can know nothing. Through speech and song, in your gestures, tones and quiet rhythms, you transferred these impulses – ones that would heal me for the moment in time that I would need to be able to bear something to even the gods wailed at the thought of, – having not the faintest notion, a knowing in a living way that is of what the soul is in its native expression, stripped of its illusionary habits of thought and will and instead experiencing itself consciously in its own soul spiritual aspect.
You have assisted a birth of this kind, the kind that John’s gospel points to as one of a new birth that is of a higher nature than anything heredity can provide but an awakening to a consciousness that no longer slumbers within this spirit and soul domain. Not for some time in the distant future but one that can manifest in the mundanities of life in the here and now. These occult impulses of soul and spirit have given me the strength to rise above my ordinary cognition and find a new impulse of will that seems to not find its source in the nervous system or in the heavens that aren’t permissible to enter, but from a concrete spiritual volition within my very thinking. Slowly learning to detach myself from a perceiving that it is entirely dependent on the brain , ultimately allowing one the grace in finding a way to consciously perceive – to know of the delicate, unseen nature of spirit or heaven as you like to call these higher worlds and beings that more and more become real for me..
And perhaps I see only specters of what is not truly there, but I do sense that a materialism that may have been divinely decreed to swallow up your spiritual confidence and expressiveness is but only for only a time. For there appears even to your own self reflection a certain heightening of your relation towards the spiritual as you have passed a quite significant earthly age. These Fruits won in times bygone show themselves in your calm and dignified walk.
To those that aren’t able to imagine the flow of life from various angles and in this case see the aging process from more of its actualities and come to grasp the loss of faculties must not be viewed in its often pessimistic way – as when some will simply say she is losing herself as the acuteness of thinking – one’s vibrant awareness in terms of its dexterity in being precise in dividing the world through its hard intellect may indeed be ending but it is one short stage of a much wider path of how the human soul relates to the ever present origin of spirit. I see a soul almost already resting on a higher sphere, one that can allow a free spirited soul advanced in its wisdom much more freedom than can the heaviness of early life.
I want you to know how much I cherish the time and attention given me to at least express some of the ideas that have helped to shape how I now see myself moving through time. How much I long for you to understand me when I have attempted to show how rich an inner life can be when thoughts like the following do not just sit in idleness awaiting a simple contemplative soul to find trivial abstract subject matter to lose itself in but instead becomes a reality, morphs into a concrete actuality , windows if you will that allow a participation of sorts in merging into a much larger living ideal that is shaping me into the that special unique child that you did so well in nurturing.
“It is possible, as I have often mentioned from varied points of view, to put the length of human life on earth at about 72 years. Now 72 years, seen in relation to the secrets of the cosmos, is a remarkable number, the true significance of which only begins to dawn upon us when we consider what I may call the cosmic secret of human earthly life. We have already described what the world of the stars is from a spiritual point of view. When we enter on a new earthly life, we return, so to speak, from the world of stars to this life on earth.
At this point once more it is astonishing how the ancient ideas—even if we do not take our start from tradition—simply emerge again of their own accord when we approach these domains of life with the help of modern spiritual science. … The human being, inasmuch as he comes down from cosmic spiritual spaces into an earthly life, comes always from a certain star. We can trace the very direction of it, and it is not unreal—on the contrary, it is most exact, to say:—‘The human being has his star.’ If we take what is experienced beyond all space and time between death and a new birth, and translate this into its spatial image, we can say: Every man has his star, which determines what he has attained between death and a new birth. He comes from the direction of a certain star. …
The sun rises and sets; the stars rise and set. … the sun does not always rise at the same time in relation to the stars. It grows ever a little later. … Thus at length the time approaches when we can say: The sun has remained behind the star by a whole day.
Now let us assume: Someone was born on the 1st of March in a particular year. And, let us say, he lived till the end of his 72nd year. He always celebrates his birthday on the 1st of March, for the sun says: His birthday is on the 1st of March. And he can celebrate it so, for throughout the 72 years of his life … the sun shines forth ever and again in the neighbourhood of the star that shone when he came down to earth. But when he has lived for 72 years, a full day has elapsed. He has arrived at an age in life when the sun leaves the star into which it entered when he began his life. … The human being has lost a cosmic day, for it takes just 72 years for the sun to remain behind a star.
During this time which the sun can spend in the region of his star, a man can live on earth. Then (under normal conditions) when the sun is no longer there to comfort his star for his life on earth, when the sun no longer says to his star: ‘He is down there, and I from myself am giving thee what he—this human being—has to give to thee; and for the time being, as I cover thee, I am doing for him what thou dost for him between death and a new birth,’ when the sun can no longer speak thus to the star, the star summons the man back again.
Thus you perceive the processes in the heavens immediately connected with human existence upon earth. In the mysteries of the heavens we see the age of man’s life expressed. Man can live 72 years, because in this time the sun remains a day behind. After that time the sun can no longer comfort the star which it could comfort while it stood before and covered it. The star has become free again for the soul-spiritual work of man within the cosmos.”
I have learned that the piercing of my heart by others are likely the effects from far earlier seeds in which karma’s police work in these worlds of spirit and soul that trickle into our assessment of life, that allow an intelligent continuation of the past’s threads of existence in which lives are woven together. One must leave a wide scope in how these esoteric beings and ourselves who are still quite occult ourselves may choose to harmonize the delicate strands of cosmic evolution that are the true explanations to life’s riddles. So it pains me to yet still doubt anything more than this surge of love, earlier seeds of a son’s connection to his mother turning into another form, but I leave it open to what more might be revealed.
Christ worked with his mother on matters much loftier than I will come to know consciously in this life but i do know that I have been working out my salvation not only through your education but by what is found hidden in your being, when you have so many times took an active role in balancing Lucifer’s hold where I needed to learn to be grounded and not to hide behind ideals or imaginations that I have no intent on bringing to a practical use. When someone begins to understand the subtle deceptions that accumulate through the course of life that often cloud one’s perception due to unseen messengers that are ever assailing us when we enter those loftier areas of consciousness – of cognition, one can then grasp a little more of the immense grace that is involved in coming to truth—-appreciate how real the battle actually is. I suppose it can be likened in part to those messengers who assisted the Apostle Paul to remain grounded in their own roundabout way, shielding him from succumbing to the negative effects of such grand revelations. It is priceless to have been led into these areas of spiritual insight but there are still even more than before – dangers at every turn. One can get lost in oblivion so to speak – become fixated on how divine realities get imprinted in sacred symbols and then meet in people. One might see that corner of the zodiac in which 3 signs together tell its own mystery story. The Virgin and Scorpion were one sign in our ancient past – your sun sign and ascending were once a unity until it had to be parted as the claws of the scorpion – a northern and a southern- somewhat clawing at each other – opposing forces in need of balancing became lost to general knowledge as libra took its place to which i bear as my ascendant. We can go from here onto many more things in regards to how i can at least sense how we are woven from stardust- see in the moment of our births how these signs can still tell an intelligent story of our spiritual grandeur , but I I think more than anything we both long for each other to carry on as participants in the repetition in the finite mind of the eternal act of creation in the infinite I AM or in other words simply never remaining the same. Picasso and his cubism comes to mind as I close and I pray that your assessment of life continues to take in as many sides as there are in such a grand world that the Lord has made. So I thank you again for instilling in me those catalysts that have granted me an ability to behold as tangible that elusive dynamism of spirit – that worldview in which the Scorpion corresponds. Perhaps you second guess yourself still in some aspects of what you have done or become but have cheer for here is perhaps another opportunity to open your mind a little more and strive to gain more of who Jesus is in his deepest sense – let what he represents turn into living impulses that can be truly larger than your faith. May the eyes of spirit continue to guide you into even greater works than these. I do not know how to show how much I love you.
Wrestling to remember,
The eighteenth of November
Before Marie’s Maya of myrrh.
We were spinning in spirit spheres
To stir.
Music Credits:
“Karma Police” (Cello Cover) — Performed by Gilberto Sanchez III. Written by Philip James Selway, Jonathan Richard Guy Greenwood, Edward John O’Brien, Thomas Edward Yorke, and Colin Charles Greenwood. © Warner/Chappell Music Ltd.
“Talkin’ Bout a Revolution” (IBARA Remix) — Original song written and performed by Tracy Chapman. Remix by IBARA.